urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod fortune_mod fortune_mod 2005-03-31T01:59:53Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:65029 2005-03-31T01:59:53Z 2005-03-31T01:59:53Z NOTICE:<br /> Anyone seen smoking will be assumed to be on fire and will<br /> be summarily put out. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:64934 2005-03-30T01:59:55Z 2005-03-30T01:59:55Z I had pancake makeup for brunch! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:64756 2005-03-29T01:59:59Z 2005-03-29T01:59:59Z A father gave his teen-age daughter an untrained pedigreed pup for<br />her birthday. An hour later, when wandering through the house, he found her<br />looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen. "My pup," she murmured<br />sadly, "runneth over." urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:64327 2005-03-28T01:59:59Z 2005-03-28T01:59:59Z My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:64011 2005-03-27T02:00:02Z 2005-03-27T02:00:02Z Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:63947 2005-03-26T01:59:54Z 2005-03-26T01:59:54Z The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any<br />reward.<br /> -- John Maynard Keynes urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:63552 2005-03-25T01:59:56Z 2005-03-25T01:59:56Z Riches cover a multitude of woes.<br /> -- Menander urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:63423 2005-03-24T01:59:57Z 2005-03-24T01:59:57Z Oh Dad! We're ALL Devo! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:63157 2005-03-23T02:00:00Z 2005-03-23T02:00:00Z HERE LIES LESTER MOORE<br />SHOT 4 TIMES WITH A .44<br />NO LES<br />NO MOORE<br /> -- tombstone, in Tombstone, AZ urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:62777 2005-03-22T02:00:08Z 2005-03-22T02:00:08Z Dull women have immaculate homes. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:62702 2005-03-21T02:00:01Z 2005-03-21T02:00:01Z For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.<br /> -- Titus Lucretius Carus urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:62374 2005-03-20T02:00:00Z 2005-03-20T02:00:00Z Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.<br /> -- Anatole France urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:62169 2005-03-19T02:00:02Z 2005-03-19T02:00:02Z BOFH excuse #263:<br /><br />It's stuck in the Web. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:61727 2005-03-18T02:00:02Z 2005-03-18T02:00:02Z "What's that thing?"<br /> "Well, it's a highly technical, sensitive instrument we use in<br />computer repair. Being a layman, you probably can't grasp exactly what<br />it does. We call it a two-by-four."<br /> -- Jeff MacNelley, "Shoe" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:61459 2005-03-17T02:00:01Z 2005-03-17T02:00:01Z The Harvard Law states: Under controlled conditions of light, temperature,<br />humidity, and nutrition, the organism will do as it damn well pleases.<br /> -- Larry Wall in &lt;199710161841.LAA13208@wall.org&gt; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:61187 2005-03-16T02:00:03Z 2005-03-16T02:00:03Z Don't get mad, get even.<br /> -- Joseph P. Kennedy<br /><br />Don't get even, get jewelry.<br /> -- Anonymous urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:61026 2005-03-15T02:00:03Z 2005-03-15T02:00:03Z Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately,<br />it can still be changed today. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:60756 2005-03-14T01:59:42Z 2005-03-14T01:59:42Z FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #31<br />A: Chicken Teriyaki.<br />Q: What is the name of the world's oldest kamikaze pilot? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:60517 2005-03-13T01:59:44Z 2005-03-13T01:59:44Z Q: What's yellow, and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?<br />A: Zorn's Lemon. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:60219 2005-03-12T01:59:46Z 2005-03-12T01:59:46Z You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:60129 2005-03-11T01:59:48Z 2005-03-11T01:59:48Z You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:59894 2005-03-10T01:59:50Z 2005-03-10T01:59:50Z All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"--a strange complaint to come from<br />the mouths of people who have had to live.<br /> -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:59405 2005-03-09T01:59:53Z 2005-03-09T01:59:53Z You are going to have a new love affair. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:59171 2005-03-08T01:59:55Z 2005-03-08T01:59:55Z Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is<br />particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself,<br />to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade.<br />But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands<br />shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit<br />me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.<br /> -- Charles Dickens, "A Christmas Carol" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:fortune_mod:58951 2005-03-07T01:59:57Z 2005-03-07T01:59:57Z A classic is something that everyone wants to have read<br />and nobody wants to read.<br /> -- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature"